I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
