I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He? As in you personified your dick?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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