Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
