we have officially lost it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
