What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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