They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You can't just leave with hair like that
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
