I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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