I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
