you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
