Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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