I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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