it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
