i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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