I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
