My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
