the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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