Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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