he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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