I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
