New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
