If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
