I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
