Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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