xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
