Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
