My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
