I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
