we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
