Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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