matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
