Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
