I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
my liver is dry heaving
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
