never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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