Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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