Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
