Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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