Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
