I wish they made helmets for livers.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
