We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
