home. puking in laundry basket.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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