Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Randomize
