About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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