totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
