he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
