I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
