she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
