I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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