My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
