I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
