Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
