i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
