you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
