Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
