she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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